Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
