You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
