New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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