oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
