he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
