i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
