i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
