some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
