no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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