my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
