I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
