You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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