I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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