What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
