Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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