How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
it's not cheating when I paid for it
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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