Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
