I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
