i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
