I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
