Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
