His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
