so explain again why im purple
no
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
