OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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