That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
