I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
