you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
