So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
