the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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