I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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