I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
