I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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