Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
