I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
