oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
false alarm, still single
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