i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
