Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I AM VODKA MAN
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
