I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
