Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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