And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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