I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
