my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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