This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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