You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
