It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
