after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
