Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
