I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
