I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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