Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
