She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
